Paragraph Writing 1 (Student’s draft)

A teacher is like a mother who doesn’t stop to teach us, to take care of us and to help us when we are in troubles [doeas she/he?]. A teacher is a gift from God, he is sent to earth with a purpose: to give us knowledge and to help us to distinguish what is right and what is wrong. Teachers are bright people and they have a big influence in our life, they guide us on the path to success. To be a good teacher is not so easy, it takes a lot of effort, patience and hard work. Often their advice helps us to choose the right way and to create a great future, because of this we must respect our teachers and the word “teacher” must be written with golden letters in our hearts [why golden?].

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1 Response to Paragraph Writing 1 (Student’s draft)

  1. vickycondrat says:

    In my opinion, your paragraph begins with the third sentence. If you mentioned the influence a teacher has on a student’s life you should have dwelt on whether it is good or bad. There’s a tendency in all of your paragraphs too be too metaphorical, and not at all concrete. What exactly you wanted to tell? What’s your TS? How well do you develop it in the SSs?

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