“A good teacher is like a candle, it consumes itself to light the way to others” (Student’s draft)

There are a lot of professions in the world. It is very hard to choose the best one. My point of view is In my oppinion / To my mind the hardest professions are those in which there is a directly contact with people. It is much harder if this these people have a are young age. [and probably here you should have mentioned what is this profession so that it is clear why you begin the next paragraph speaking about teaching]

To be a good teacher is very difficult [I’d rather say: ‘It is very difficult to be a good teacher.’]. But what does it means to be a good teacher? For sure, every pupil apart can tell a lot about this thing [?]. A person who is going to become a teacher has to make something like a plan for their personality. I mean that there are a lot of rules which must be obeyed when you touch somebody’s soul. [what you probably wanted to say is that an aspiring teacher should be very well organised and plan everything, I still don’t understand what you mean by ‘a plan for their personality’]

Every teacher consumes itself themselves, because they can’t do something over wise [did you want to say otherwise?]. Every time when the teacher explains something, or listens to the answer of their pupils, they consumes a lot of energy. Every teacher is a simple human creature , but which who has a lot of work to do everyday, because they have to improve themselves. They have to do it because everyday the world changes and a true teacher should know how to show the necessary direction, how to light [or maybe enlighten] the children’s minds.

I think that it’s a great comparison teacher-candle [why?]. The candle is at the same time soft because of its wax, and full of light and energy –because of the fire which inspires and dominates it [ a great idea indeed but it somehow comes out of the blue and it needs to be developed].

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2 Responses to “A good teacher is like a candle, it consumes itself to light the way to others” (Student’s draft)

  1. vickycondrat says:

    Dear Anne, it’s rather good but there are some things which I wuld like you to reconsider. First of all decide what type of writing it is. In this particular case you have to choose between argumentative and descriptive essay. In the first case you have to give reasons why a teacher is like a candle; in the second – to describe in what way the teacher is like a candle.

    The first paragraph is an introductory one, and as I have said in the correction you should have mentioned your main idea there [TOPIC SENTENCE] which you should develop in your essay. Besides it will ensure a smooth transition to the next paragraph, there’ll be a continuity.

    I’ve also noticed that you might begin an interesting idea and leave it without dwelling on it. You should be more explicit, otherwise I rather miss a lot of information.

    it also looks as if your essay has no concluding lines, you leave them somewhere in the air.

    One more thing, Anne be very careful and don’t make silly mistakes, as I wasn’t expecting such silly grammar mistakes from you!!! I know you can do better than that!!!

    Good luck and I hope you will become a great teacher one day correcting the mistakes of your students 🙂

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